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Family and Relationships_____________________________________________________

TEN THINGS TO REMEMBER IF YOUR LOVED ONE IS AN ALCOHLIC OR OTHER DRUG ADDICT
THINK of recovery from this disease as an exciting chance for a new way of living:

1. PRACTICE setting healthy boundaries, ones that allow you to safely express your needs and limits clearly and respectfully. Follow through with what you say you will do. Nagging, pleading, preaching or lecturing your loved one may become one of the excuses or reasons she uses to justify continuing her destructive lifestyle.
2. REMEMBER, you are not a victim of your alcoholic or addict. If you do not like, what is happening in your life look to see what YOU need to or can do differently.
3. ALCOHOLISM is a disease; compulsive, destructive and baffling. It cannot be controlled by willpower.
4. SET limits you are sure you can keep. Do not make idle threats.
5. FOR the alcoholic, one drink is too much and one thousand is never enough. Drinking with the alcoholic in the hopes of her drinking less will not decrease her drinking, instead it may increase it for she may think you condone her drinking by drinking with her.
6. LOVE of home and family is rarely enough for an alcoholic to get and stay sober. She will need to devote as much or more time practicing her newly acquired recovery tools she did using.
7. PATIENCE can be very helpful while you and your family are going through recovery together. Remember what they say in AA: “Progress, not Perfection.” Be gentle with yourself, take time to nurture yourself, develop new friendships, take up a hobby, and have fun!
8. RECOVERY takes time. Relapse is sometimes a part of recovery. If relapse happens for either you or your loved one, get back on the recovery path as soon as you have noticed you have gone off track. “Time takes Time,” another AA slogan.
9. REMEMBER: We can't control, cause, or cure alcoholism or drug addiction (but we can contribute to it).
10. ATTEND at least six Al-Anon meetings before deciding if Alanon is right for you. 

The Progression of Addiction as a Family Disease:

EARLY STAGES:
• Awareness of problems; money, house, chores, sex, etc.
• Nagging begins
• The need to control begins
• Beginning to deny and to rationalize
• Spouse may divorce and marry another addict

MIDDLE STAGES:
• Begin to cover up for alcoholic/addict
• Obtain promises from the alcoholic/addict
• Loss of self-respect
• Insecurity
• Fear and anxiety
• Begin headaches, ulcers, nerves, etc.
• Withdrawal
• Possible: filing for divorce, reconciliation, attempt to get help

ADVANCED OR CHRONIC STAGES:
• Assume blame for drinking/drug use
• Deterioration
• Realization: affairs, spending, neglect of family
• Possible: tranquilizer and other pill use, attempted suicide
• Sincere search for help

The progression and recovery symptoms listed are based on the most repeated experiences of family members in the disease of Alcoholism/Addiction. While every symptom does not occur in every member of every family, or in the same sequence, it does portray an average chain reaction. The entire process may take years or it may occur in a very short time.
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DETACHMENT WITH LOVE

Detachment means separating the personality you love from the disease you despise. It means accepting the afflicted one unconditionally as an individual of worth and dignity, while steadfastly rejecting the destructive influences of alcoholism on yourself and the family members in your care.

Detachment means caring enough to relinquish your fantasies and fictions to accept the full reality of the alcoholic's condition and the reality of its impact on you as well.

Detachment means forswearing anger, resentment, fear, recrimination, self-justification, false pride, self-condemnation and self-pity so that decisions can be made and actions taken dispassionately, in loving wisdom and with calm resolve.

Detachment is a course of constructive independence, or a license for retaliatory self-indulgence. It is an assertion of your human rights, not a usurpation of those of the alcoholic. It is a tool for serenity, not a weapon for retribution.

Detachment means being objective, but not indifferent; flexible, but not indecisive; firm, but not hard; wise, but not clever; patient, but not resigned; strong, but not overbearing; resolute, but not stubborn; compassionate, but not indulgent.

Detachment is profound love, wrapped in understanding and bound by courage, helping you to live with serenity and fulfillment in spite of the environment, and in constant readinesss for the alcoholic's decision for sobriety and recovery... even without its expectation.
Credit Al-Non

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Please click below for additional information:
• Behavior Descriptions between alcoholic/addict and the co-dependent individual
• Identify feelings of family, friends of alcoholic/drug addicts